Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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