im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
