shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
