Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
