he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
