dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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