Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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