Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
