I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
