Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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