You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
