apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
My pussy is not your playground.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
