The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
