I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
