i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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