it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
