her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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