Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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