your room smells of hookers.
And success
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
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She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
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You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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