I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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