they need to just BURY HIM!
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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