i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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