It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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