remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Semen is not good for contacts.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
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