is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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