$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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