where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
3 2 1 whiskey
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
