I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
