we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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