Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
