i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize