apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
