Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
