Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
