More tranny stories later!
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
if only i could text you this smell
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
