I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
