hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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