My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
