you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
