do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
