She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
