I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
