the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
