Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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