can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
