His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
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So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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