I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
