3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
