i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
