Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
