I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I would fuck him just for his dog
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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