i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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