good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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