Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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