I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
