I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Blood and glitter go together right?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
