Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
