So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
