I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
