Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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