i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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