i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
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