The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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