I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
