Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
