never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Randomize
