considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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