Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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