the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
