So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
you never un-have a 4some
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
