As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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