mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
