Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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